


The (Most Recent) Nun Story

by kayliemalinza



Series: The Piratical Nun [3]
Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2017-11-24 01:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/628799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what no this isn't a mary sue well whatever SO'S YER FACE</p><p>Teaser: Jacqueline Sparrow was the most marvelous and exciting and dangerous woman the world had ever seen. She was super beautiful, too, with flashing black eyes, long dark locks, swarthy rich skin, and a really great rack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The (Most Recent) Nun Story

**Author's Note:**

> My final attempt. Go in peace, ancient OFC.

Jacqueline Sparrow was the most marvelous and exciting and dangerous woman the world had ever seen. She was super beautiful, too, with flashing black eyes, long dark locks, swarthy rich skin, and a really great rack. She had also been confined to a nunnery for the past fifteen years. Not by choice, of course: her cruel confinement was entirely the fault of her stupid little brother and his stupid little cabaret act and his stupid little red petticoats and England's stupid little morality laws. 

Listen. These details aren't important.

What is important is that Jacqueline Sparrow fumed and pined and suffered in that convent for a decade and a half, instead of gallivanting about the globe swindling the wealthiest of saps, and a few middlingly wealthy rubes if it's been a slow week. Such a roguish life was her _destiny_ , just as it was for her mother Jacqueline Sparrow before her, and her grandmother Jacqueline Sparrow before that, and so on, back through the most illustrious lineage of lady-thieves and murderesses ever known. The name goes down matrilinearly, you see. That's very important. 

Jacqueline tried explaining all this to the nuns, but the more details she gave, the more determined they were to scupper her birthright. Jacqueline hatched a plan to escape right away, of course, but as it turns out the convent was built like a fortress, and located on an island in the most deserted northern wastes of Britain, and the island was surrounded by sharks, and all the boats were guarded by eunuchs. Jacqueline had a lot of skills in her arsenal but some things are just impossible.

So for fifteen years she languished in the convent, each day turning the screws ever tighter on her heated brain. Then one day, it appeared that Lady Luck had decided to smile upon Jacque Sparrow once more: she was to be transferred to a mission in the Americas. 

Jacqueline could barely contain herself during that interminable voyage across the Atlantic. The ship was smaller and coarser than the convent, to be sure, and the Mother Superior kept her charges as close belowdecks as she could, but the wide stretch of water held neither rapacious shark fins nor gloomy fog. To be so near liberty and yet chained below was a torment. There was some small measure of comfort, however, in that none of the sailors were eunuchs. The Mother Superior kept them well away from the nuns under her care (she had brought along a long, thick stick entirely for this purpose) but it did a girl good to dream. 

Jacqueline even forgot herself so much as to let slip a few tawdry tales to another of the nuns, a sweet and proper little thing named Tessa. Now, for all her sweetness and properness, Tessa was as near to a friend as Jacqueline could claim during her long years of cruel imprisonment. She was nice to look at; not as beautiful as Jacqueline, of course, but her soft brown hair, straight nose, and gentle green eyes set off her pale English skin to great effect. Her legs were also much longer than you'd expect them to be under that habit.

Jacqueline and Tessa were wont to enthrall themselves in conversation, for that fair English Rose was as enamoured of the lofty ideals of honour and duty and dashing romance as Jacqueline was, though Tessa remained quite inflexible in some of the details, such as wanting criminals to be caught. Tessa simply would not entertain the suggestion that the criminals may be the more honourable characters, peering down their aquiline noses at petty and corrupt lawmen. This was likely the fault of those letters she receives from her cousin, a Navy man in the Caribbean. 

If Tessa could simply be removed from that influence, then she would surely blossom into a most delightful companion. In fact, some fair amount of blossoming and delight had already been achieved by occasionally removing her from the influence of her unfashionable clothing. But that detail isn't important. 

What is important is that when Jacqueline spoke most romantically to Tessa of the freedom of the ocean, and the sweet liberty of sailing without orders or purpose, Tessa became very distressed. Her delicate female mind had been turned by her cousin's tales of rapacious pirates and murderous knaves, and, in particular, the most terrible pirate of all: Jack Sparrow.

Jacqueline, that poor mistreated dear, asked Tessa to repeat what she had said, and then write it down, just to be sure. There was no mistaking it; there was a pirate who had taken the name of her foremothers, and was gallivanting about as if it were his right! Jacqueline begged for more detail, and Tessa had a great many details to give; her cousin, it seems, was as thorough in his correspondence as he was in his Naval duties, and as he had recently made Commodore, he was apparently very thorough indeed. 

With each word that spilled from Tessa's lips, Jacqueline's heart grew fiercer, and her brain grew hotter, until she was nearly shaking with rage. For, of course, there could be no mistake: this imposter Jack Sparrow was the very same creature as her traitorous little brother, who had caused her imprisonment all these years! She gnashed her teeth, and paced up and down the cabin, and ripped her vestments to shreds. The whole display frightened poor sweet Tessa out of her wits, but Jacqueline had no care for that. A much grander thing was afoot: she was swearing revenge.

Very conveniently, the very day after said revenge was sworn, the little ship transporting the nuns was attacked by a pirate ship. The pirate ship just so happened to be the Black Pearl, with that self-same presumptuous kid brother acting as captain. You may think this was a silly coincidence, but no; this was _destiny_.


End file.
